Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
