He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize