I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
