how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm both gender and math confused
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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