I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
