Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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