took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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