Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
