I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
