i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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