so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
