Whatcha textin bout Willis?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
