Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
