Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
