I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
