I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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