Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
