i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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