I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
