then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
