We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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