I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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