Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize