Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
