Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
