The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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