I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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