I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
