we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
