I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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