uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
