Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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