So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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