just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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