Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
