I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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