Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
