and you said cock pushups were impossible
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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