Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
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Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
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You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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