Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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