If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
