Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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