i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
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I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
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I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.