She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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