Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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