this beer tastes like vomit already
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
