I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
