we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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