Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
