what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
