I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
