Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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