Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
