And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
