You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize