he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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