Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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