sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
