i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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