i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tornado booty call.. dedication
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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