They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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