I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
