Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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