dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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