So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
