He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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