her facebook's as public as her vagina
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
