"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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