they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
