There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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