i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
