try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
