well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
