Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
