now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
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So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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