im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
