Do you still have your period?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
