Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
